Catch ya later, mates!

I'm leaving for Melbourne, Australia in less than a month! Hopefully I'll knock out a few items on the Bucket List while I'm down under. In the meantime, check out my new blog - audrey-wont-die-in-oz.blogspot.com.

Riding a Motorcycle - Did It!

[Apologies for the 2 month lag. I was kidnapped by trolls. At least I can cross “hanging out with trolls” off my list now.]

First things first: note that this is different from driving a motorcycle, and definitely different than obtaining a license, driving, and owning my own motorcycle.

Look, ma, no hands!

But, it was still a good start. I found out that I don’t like to change direction. I felt like we were nearly parallel with the road at every slight turn. Maybe it’s because I love speed. Or maybe 5 mph feels fast when your hair is whipping in the wind. Either way, I rode a motorcycle and survived.

Harry Potter 7 Opening Night - Did It!

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Mad dash for the door. Or not: "Oh my God the movie was soooo good! Let's go see it again at 3:15!"

My top seven favorite things about the midnight showing of Harry Potter 7:

What is that mysterious ticking noise?

7. The freshman at my school named Harry Potter (facebook him, it's true).

6. My Harry Potter look alike (see photo above).

5. Harry and Hermione's awkward dance.

4. Dobby

3. Luna Lovegood

2. Harry Potter themed parties, complete with butterbeer, snitches, and the Whomping Willow (see below).

Yes, these are my friends. Jealous?

And the best part of HP7. Drumroll please...

1. Watching the boys' reactions to Hermione's nearly naked scene.

Boston Celtics - Did It!

Shaq, you don't look so big from way up here. I'll take you on.

“Anyone have a tissue?” –Zach. So we were in the nosebleeds. And the Celtics drove a steamroller over the Wizards. Nonetheless, I had a great time. Boston is such an awesome place to be for sports fanatics (or pretend sports fans, though I did find a green shirt to attempt to blend in), and TD Garden was the jam. The only complaint I have is finding out that KG is in fact more douche than nice guy.

Meet God - Adding to THE LIST

About once every two weeks, I think seriously about death. Don’t take this the wrong way – I am not depressed, as Health Services seems to think every college student is, nor do I have a morbid obsession with dying. But I do think it’s fair that if I actually plan on completing everything on this Bucket List (as I most definitely do), then it’s probably a good idea for me to get comfortable with the idea.

I have so many questions: Is there life after death? Is it going to happen to me? Am I going to come back as an ugly mosquito?

Since none of my friends seem to be able to provide me with any useful information on the subject, I’ve come up with a better solution – I am going to ask God, assuming that He exists (I’m referring to God as a male for now, but don’t worry feminists, half the time He is a She in my head). I’m imagining the convo will go a little like this:

Audrey: Hey God! It’s about time we met. Where have you been hiding?

God: My little lamb Audrey, I am with you all the time.

A: Dude, it’s just you and me now. You can cut the quotes, I know the Book.

G: Whew! It gets boring repeating these things.

A: Okay, let’s cut to the chase. What is up with this dying thing? I mean, the mystery around it – is it really necessary? It’s like the suspense in a horror film. Honestly, I think it’s getting too much hype.

G: …

A: What? Now that you can’t quote from the Book, you don’t have anything insightful to say?

Okay, so when this much-anticipated encounter does happen, I hope that I’ll realize that God has a bit more power than I’m giving him credit for, so I should probably cut the sass down just a bit.

[Dear God, I know you know I am joking, so please play along and don’t strike me with lightning tonight. Love, your humble servant, Audrey.]

Skinny Dipping - Did It!

Full moon, full moon? Welcome to my first skinny dipping, circa 2006. And when the boys at the bonfire next to ours came and stole our clothes from the beach, my friend Allie chased after them with nothing on but fierce determination and a piercing battle cry. She won that battle, obviously. What kind of prepubescent boy could resist?

You're gonna wish you didn't eat so many smores when those clothes come off...

Flash forward several years, and I’ve upgraded to skinny dipping in broad daylight. This time it wasn’t so much driven by the liberation of being naked as much as it was for my aversion to tan lines.

Things can only get better from here. Next step, running with the big boys:

Bay to Breakers 12k, San Francisco, CA

Be a YouTube sensation - Adding to THE LIST

Usher found Justin Bieber on YouTube, I have a feeling he’s going to discover me next. I’m shooting for at least one million views. Let’s throw in 500 facebook “likes” while we’re at it. So what if I don’t know what short film I’m going to star in yet? If this kid can do it, so can I. (Guess his age. Hint: he's older than me. Then check your answer HERE.)

Really, though. Doesn’t everyone just want to be famous? I’ll help my friends out here, and give them a headstart to Hollywood. (Film cred: yours truly.)

Moral of the story: don’t be mean to me, because if you are, I won’t introduce you to my co-YouTube-famous stars like Math Girl and doglover199709.

DoubleTree - Cookie Hunt

The NCAA treats well. I’m with my team in Springfield and we found the rumors to be true – the DoubleTree Hotel provides warm chocolate chip cookies upon check-in. Receiving a fresh-baked cookie after a long day of traveling might encourage bias, but I guess we’ll never know. I usually don’t like walnuts in my chocolate chip cookies, but I’ll make this exception.

I was too excited to eat my delicious warm cookie that I forgot to take a picture, so I stole this from the internet. If you’ll believe me, it looks 10 times better in real life.

Hunting - Adding to THE LIST

In honor of No-Shave November (don’t worry –my male housemate is taking part in this ritual, not me), I want to go hunting (also inspired by said male housemate). Something about these scruffy-faced college boys inspires getting down in the dirt with a rifle.

First, I’m going to set the record straight – yeah, I do feel kind of bad killing innocent animals, but I also eat non-free-range chicken, arguably just as bad. I’d like to stay away from shooting the bunnies and the Bambis and start instead with ducks, or maybe cardboard cutouts leaning on hay stacks.

Most importantly, though, it has to be real. A day with nature, albeit screwing with the circle of life. Being in the country (preferably somewhere in Texas), staying still for hours (okay, let’s be real here – a few minutes will be challenge enough), and crawling through mud and ticks to find the perfect spot. Let’s just hope I don’t go on my first hunting expedition during No-Shower September.

Paranormal Activity 1 & 2 - Did it!

I'm a survivor! Can horror movies apply as a cause for post traumatic stress disorder? Okay so watching PA1 in the basement of our house was probably not a great idea, but being 1 of 7 people (my friends and I made 4) in the theater for PA2 was not my fault.

In theory, the movies weren't that scary - nothing happens, you don't see anything, occasionally a door swings by itself. But I won't lie, the overall effect of hidden demons and being dragged and possessed definitely kept me paranoid for a few days (okay fine, I still hear noises and won't sit in the basement by myself).

Thinking about it too much just might make the ghost sightings start all over again, so I won't be talking about it ever again. I'm just going to block it out of my memory forever, and maybe then I'll be able to live a normal life again.

[Hey demon, don't take this the wrong way. I was plenty scared. You really don't need to prove your existence to me, I believe you already.]

Specialty's Bakery - Cookie Hunt

Honestly, I was expecting more from Yahoo's "Best Chocolate Chip Cookies in America." The closest Specialty's to Boston is 45 minutes away, so obviously, I asked my momma to bring me a box from Specialty's in California instead (cut me some slack, she visits every other weekend. I'm running out of "things I miss from home that only mom can bring.").

The cookies were giant, but something key was missing. The crumble was excessive. I want my cookie more mushy gushy than fall apart, crumbly. Aside from being made with love, there should be something holding it together (butter, cream, fat, lard...).

Looks can be deceiving.

So all in all, the look was there, but the texture was not. You could blame it on the 3000 miles it travelled before landing on my tastebuds, but a truly good cookie will always persevere.

Crowd-Surfing - Adding to THE LIST

Passion Pit concert tonight – it was pretty rave (that’s a new word I’m trying out, to replace “sick” because.. no reason). Surprisingly, I knew more than their one famous song Sleepyhead, and that’s not including their rendition of some random 90s song.

So halfway through the show, we see a girl crowd-surfing. And as usual, she gets tossed around for a while before she eventually ends up surfing face-down and everyone’s touching her goods. I mean, I guess that’s mildy better than in Mean Girls, when Dumb Chick #1 jumps into the crowd, and Dumb Chick #2 is the only one trying to catch her, and they both splat.

Not this kind of crowd-surfing, but hey, look - Tufts has school spirit!

Regardless, I’d like to get the guts to crowd-surf. How cool would it be to literally be at the hands of strangers, and have zero control over where you’re headed, all while jamming to your favorite band? I can see it now – the crowd will pass me straight up to the stage. I tell Rihanna, “Girlfriend, I can take it from here,” and Eminem and I perform Love the Way You Lie together.

Paranormal Activity - Adding to THE LIST

Scary movies are like flu shots. Once a year, uncomfortable, and something I avoid at all costs. I scream to drone out the sounds, cover my eyes, and somehow still can’t sleep for weeks. Sure I’ll jump off that 60 foot bridge, but watching other people run away from ghosts on TV? Hell no. On the way home from watching The Exorcist one year, I swear I saw a demon in my passenger seat, and nearly drove into a mailbox trying to kill the evil spirit.

This year is different. It’s going to be all or nothing, back to back, balls to the walls. Here’s the game plan: Paranormal Activity 1 on Thursday and, optimistically assuming I am still alive, Paranormal Activity 2 on Friday afternoon (in broad daylight, obviously). And if they had come out with Paranormal Activity 3D, I’d totally be there Saturday.

So in other words, I’m not planning on sleeping until maybe Thanksgiving. Don’t even think about pulling a prank. I’ll be keeping a baseball bat by my bed and mace in my pocket for the next month.

SkyMall magazine - Adding to THE LIST

Seemingly useless but in fact the smartest inventions ever. Every time I open that SkyMall magazine up, one of three thoughts go in my head:

1. Wow, that would make [insert here - watering my nonexistent plants, charging my phone, showing off my Harry Potter collection] so much easier!

2. I could've invented that.

3. That lucky dog/cat/hamster/bird gets a bed bigger than mine.

100% edges brownie pan? Best invention ever, and I don't even like brownie edges.

So that leaves me with two goals:

Buy something off of SkyMall.

Invent something that is sold in SkyMall.

Photographic Memory - Adding to THE LIST

In my quest to become Lisbeth Salander (an asocial, overtattooed, boxing, computer genius freak in Stieg Larsson’s dragon tattoo books. This is definitely not the last you’ll hear of her from me), I will develop a photographic memory.

It might sound difficult – I can’t even remember what I ate for breakfast this morning – but my deep research in the field (googling it 30 seconds ago) has convinced me that I am an excellent candidate for the job. It’s all about word association.

Exhibit A:

-Yesterday, I met a guy named Dan.

-I called him Stan by accident, which is the name of a chiropractor I went to years ago for shoulder problems.

-Apparently I still have those shoulder problems.

-Our trainer at school is helping me fix it.

-Oh hey, his name is Dan too!

∴ Dan à Stan à shoulder à Dan.

That was a little too convenient. Let’s try again.

Exhibit B:

-Taylor Swift’s new CD Speak Now is coming out October 25^th.

-Some group at my school changed its name this year to ‘Speac,’ which stands for something mysterious about anti-bias.

-I know this crazy redheaded chick; maybe people are biased about her red hair or something :).

-She’s born on Halloween.

-My cousin’s birthday is on Halloween too.

-He’s older than me, by 6 years I think.

-Halloween minus 6 = October 25^th = Speak Now Taylor Swift!

∴ Taylor Swift Speak Now à Speac à bias à redhead à Halloween à Cousin à 6 à Taylor on October 25^th!

You follow? Good. So next time you see me staring at nothing, talking to myself, and waving my finger around an invisible chalkboard… let’s be real here – don’t assume I’m practicing my memory.

Midterms

I was trying to think of something witty to connect midterms with the Bucket List, presumably something involving my oncoming death this week. Unfortunately, my brain is fried, and is not expected to return to its usual top-notch brilliance until next week. In the meantime, you can use your imagination and think of some of your own awesome stunts (need a starter? try anything involving a 30 foot drop and/or dangerous animals).

Breakfast for Dinner - Sunday Night Dinner

Zach's rockin' the pink knife.

It was the boys’ turn to make dinner this week, so they did the next best thing: breakfast. A little scary at the start (would you like some egg with those eggshells?). But they surprised us all and pulled through.

Look at all that multitasking!

That's right, I like those hash browns well done.

Get excited for a future post about my only slightly less successful breakfast-for-dinner attempt - a giant blueberry pancake made on a George Foreman grill.

Be a Nomad - Adding to THE LIST

I’ve always thought it was bizarre that we humans return to the same place (almost) every night. I suppose it’s natural for all mobile creatures to want a constant home, even if it is only for a few months; birds make nests, outdoor cats return to their owners’ garages, my dog won’t leave my driveway without a leash.

I'll use any excuse to brag about my puppy.

But I’m not sure this is the best way to live. Not only does a permanent residence carry a lot of baggage (affectionately called junk. Sidenote: it's taken me five months to finally get settled into my new house), it makes a person easier to track.

Suppose you’ve just committed a nasty crime, like triple homicide (you claim it was in self-defense - they were threatening to starve you of your nightly ice cream sundae!). You’re on the run, and you obviously can’t go home because the police will find you there. You're torn between the proverbial rock (going back but getting caught at your home) and the hard place (needing to clean out the evidence that would undoubtedly lead the police to learn everything about you, including your hiding place). Sorry dude, it's over.

Cavewoman Audrey (and step-twin Rachel) in our natural habitat.

As a nomad, you would have none of those problems. The po would have no address to search and no clues as to where your hideout may be. They probably wouldn't even know you existed (don't get emo on me, that's supposed to be a good thing).

In my perfect world, I would be a hunter-gatherer (you can call me Pocahontas), following the bison as they roam and chasing the seasons as the berries ripen around the world. Maybe I threw my sharpest spear at a fellow hunter, but how will you ever find me? I sleep in a different cave every night.

Pocahontas (and the Queen of Hearts). Now where is that John Smith?

Translate that into the 21^st century. Not so easy. Nonetheless, I want to attempt living a nomadic life just to try it out. (I might add here that I would prefer doing this non-permanent home thing voluntarily, rather than being forced into it by national security.) Timing may be difficult – college is probably not the ideal – but when the opportunity arises, I will be ready with my bow and arrow.

ButterGirl Baking - Cookie Hunt

“Best when eaten within 72 hours” – my favorite kind of cookie. The company is called ButterGirl Baking. I'll let you make what you want of that.

The cookie was interesting. ButterGirl tried to make it fancy or something by adding a dash of salt on the top. Can’t say that I’m a huge fan of salty stuff in my cookie (Uh, bacon chocolate? Don’t listen to the cashier. He just wants your money.).

Don't you love it when your housemate brings home cookies?

But a cookie is a cookie, and in the end, it's always good. There was a chocolate chip overload (in the best way possible). And ButterGirl makes cookies in the shape of the alphabet so you can send a sweet and edible message to your boo, or to me :)

Parkour - Adding to THE LIST

I confess that until yesterday, I thought it was called “hardcore.” I mean, it makes a lot more sense – hardcore is hardcore, what is “parkour”? I’ll let Michael, Andy, and Dwight explain it to you, in honor of The Office premiere tomorrow night.

It’s all about location. A giant soccer field wouldn’t quite make the cut. I’m thinking I’ll set a final goal of parkour along the top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Until then, I’m going to perfect scaling walls and climbing fences with grace (that means not ripping a hole in my pants in an inconvenient location or getting a gash in my head that needs stitches).

Answer to last time’s Name That Movie: Noah Calhoun in The Notebook.